My Fiance is in Love with My Little The Third Time and Then – Chapter 1

“……where is my child?”

A foggy voice like I was inside a dream dispersed into the open world.

“Ilya? What happened?”

Soleil-sama’s assuring eyes caught me.

Sylvia who appeared much later than the appointed time was settling down on her seat.

As if confused, she asked, “Elder sister?”, and tilted her head slightly.

When I blink, with their current figures at the edge of my eyes, the scene where Soleil-sama and Sylvia were staring at each other and exchanging words resurfaced.

I remember the fact that I was about to burst into tears as the two people exchanged glances as if they were doing something wrong.

I just kept on looking at it, with Soleil-sama reflecting Sylvia in his eyes and smiling gently.

—–What is this? What on earth are they talking about?

I placed the cup which I held in my hand on the saucer as if to shake off the scene that floated on the back of my eyes.

A loud noise of earthenwares clashing echoed, and the overflowing tea spread all over the table cloth.

As I thought, my hands would not move as I want them to.

I lift my trembling fingers.

It was an act unworthy of a lady.

However, I did not care about such things.

“Where is my child? Who took him?”

My voice can be heard from far away.

Spreading in front of me is the tea ceremony where Soleil-sama and Sylvia met.

No, not that. That is already over.

I gave birth to a child.

A child with Soleil-sama.

Was he a boy, or was she a girl?

Which one was it?

But, I certainly gave birth.

I kept on enduring the pain and suffering as I died, and I received my and Soleil-sama’s child.

“Ilya, what are talking about?”

Soleil-sama stood up and grabbed my arm.

I hate it, it hurts, please let me go.

I have something to do now. Leave me alone. Bring my child to me.

While spitting out incoherent words, I shake off Soleil-sama’s hands and raise the tablecloth, I started looking for my child whose name I do not even know.

Did the maid take him with her?

Even though I told you so much not to hire a nanny, but was my opinion never accepted? Or was it mother-in-law that took him away?

I have not held that child yet.

I did not even see that child’s face.

“Return, return my child —– !!”

While Sylvia was puzzled over my cry, she referred to me as “Elder sister”.

While calling me with her usual sweet voice, she asked “What’s the matter?” as she clings to my body.

But, with her delicate arms, she cannot control me from getting rampant.

“Stay away! Do not touch me!”

Still, when the raised arm was about to hit Sylvia’s face, I act on my instincts as not to hurt my
younger sister.

While I was puzzled at myself who stopped moving unnaturally, my lips spun words spontaneously.

“Or is it you, the one who took my child away.”

“What’re you saying —–?”

“While you stole Soleil-sama away, you are also trying to snatch away my child …!”

Return it, return it, return it! Please return all what you robbed from me!

I scream and grab the thin arm of Sylvia.

When I loosened my fingers, I hit Sylvia’s face unintentionally which distorted with pain, Soleil-sama twisted my arm this time.

Did Sylvia scream or was it me?

“Stop it! Ilya! ”

You are still not married yet, you do not have any children either. Nobody has taken anything from you.

Soleil-sama’s words, who was trying to persuade me while looking at my face, passes through my ears.

Those eyes should not be burning with the feeling of conflict, but I knew well that the color of
contempt would appear in those eyes someday.

I certainly saw the moment when that revealing look was stained with hatred.

“Return my child! My child, my child is my child!”

The other me quietly murmured somewhere inside of my head regardless of me crying.

Ilya is dead. And, it has started again.

“—— Wrong! Wrong, it’s wrong!!”

“…… Ilya!”

I raised a cry when an arm grabbed me strongly. I remembered that merciless gesture.

The big hands of Soleil-sama grabbed my neck, in order to hold down my mouth from yelling.

Although I was not being strangled, his violent behavior worked enough to kill my momentum.

“…… I hate it, I hate it, I don’t want it anymore, I don’t want it, someone, somebody…”

…help me! But I could not voice out my words.

Just in the same way as before, my sobbing is swallowing my words.

It was always the case. I was crying all over. Help me, someone help me. Please, rescue me from here.

However, that voice did not reach anyone.

—-Yes, that’s it.

That’s why I am dead.

My words did not reach anyone.

All my thoughts were crushed.

Without holding my child, without being able to give a name to my child, being abandoned by my loved
ones, alone, I died alone ——–

Out of breath, my voice that resonated through the place where the tea ceremony was held has
regained it’s silence without anyone noticing.

While still grabbing me, Soleil-sama stared at me to observe me who stopped moving suddenly.

“…… Here, someone, me, somebody,”

It should have been over. Everything should have finished for me.

Yet, why?

Why are you standing there again?

I remember the color of the sky. The feeling of the lawn, the blooming rose, the pattern of the
tablecloth, the tea and prepared sweets. Standing closely next to Soleil-sama, was the figure of my
younger sister who arrived late.

I remember those burning memories.

It is ‘that tea ceremony’. The place of the beginning. And, the place of my foreboding end.

“Why, why,”

The scenery isn’t any different from my memories, perhaps it might be a dream, my faint expectations are over.

(TN- the expectation to see her child)

It may be a dream that I am watching just before my death.

However, my profusely beating heart, definitely point out the fact that I’m living now.

The moment I realize that, my temperature suddenly went down.

I can understand that my face turned pale.

“…… Ilya?”

Soleil-sama’s voice puzzled me.

When was it that I thought that his voice was calling my name from the bottom of his heart?

“……Elder sister?”

When was it that I could not see the purple eyes of my little sister who looked up straight at me?

Memories and thoughts are trying to rob me of my consciousness.

My unsteady body leans backwards.

In that time gap the escort appeared without making any sound since he was there, and held my body in his arms.

Soleil-sama who was closest to me did not even try to support my body, he simply kept his hand away.

Since that unchanged voice lacked calmness, the lady did not seem to be alright, so the escort declined to leave as always.

I heard the voice from afar as it felt as though it was caught in the bottom of the ocean.

Both Soleil-sama and Sylvia were just looking at me who was leaving.

Even with a blurry vision, I still repeat phrases like “return my child”.

Even I think I have to stop, but the words come out from my mouth without my permission.

The escort supported my back who was shaking unsteadily with his hands again and again.

This is certainly real. It is reality.

But I cannot accept it.

While I was leaving I could not block the sight of Soleil-sama’s figure comforting the upset and staggering Sylvia at the tea ceremony.

I just need to lower my eyes but I can’t do anything but blink.

Both of them were cuddling up. Their shadows were overlapping. I looked at that figure over and over
and burned it into my eyes everytime.

“…… Al, where have you been until now,”

As I muttered keeping my eyes open wide, a clear reply came back without any hint of confusion.

“… I was by your side all the time.”

“No, you were not. I called you.”

“If Ojousama calls I will even run from the end of the world.”

“No, you did not. You didn’t come. I was lonely, I gave birth alone, I gave birth only by myself.”

“ … Ojousama,”

“There was no one. There was no one by my side.”

” …… Ojousama, I am always by your side ojousama.”

” No, no, ”

I can see that the escort knight is replying to match my words.

He did not ignore me while replying gently to words that should not be tolerated.

My head properly understood it.

But, my mouth spun words freely different from my thought.

The feelings of the heart and body were completely different.

Oh , the somewhat clever part of my head draws a conclusion, I have already turned insane.

“But you have no choice, Al. You must not stay by my side.”

“…… Why?”

“Because, I mean,”

You will die If you are by my side, that was the reason why the past me controlled myself.

I am already living a life that should have been over already.

I warn you that it is something you must not speak about.

The genuine and gentle escort knight will surely be annoyed if he hears about such disturbing things
that he might die.

But far from staying away from me, he tried to stay even closer.

Even if he is in danger, his master, me, might be in more danger. He is a man who thinks that way.

A man who is proud of the sword that protects someone.

That’s why, he was involved in my, his master’s early life reluctantly.

“…… Ojousama?”

“Also, it started again for me —-”

Also, I had fallen in love with that person unconditionally.

Though the escort hurried his feet towards the mansion, there were no obstacles in the open garden that will block the tea ceremony.

Even though it was far away, I could clearly see Soleil-sama’s hands wandering through the air to touch my sister.

Although it was supposed to be a familiar scene, I get hurt over and over again.

“……. Milady, I am sure that you are tired. You will be fine if you take a rest in your room.”

Al’s voice is getting further away.

I know that there will not be a moment where it will be fine while replying “Well” and “I’ll surely be fine if you say so”, like it was other people’s affairs.

It’s the third time so I suppose I can do well this time, but I don’t have any such confidence.

Both my previous life, and the life before that, were enough to overwhelm me.

“However, even it was useless—–?”

A clouded voice spreads around the lawn.

“Al ”

“……”

It was as if the escort didn’t want to reply anymore as his fingers gently moved the hair hanging on my face.

The face which I clearly looked up at was sad.

“Al, Al, please!”

“…… What is it?”

“I have already said that it is useless.”

“My heart, is crushed,”

“Ojousama,”

“to the extent that I no longer feel anything.”

Never again, I will not to get hurt anymore.

“… I can not do such a thing.”

Definitely, you can’t. The escort’s voice who muttered so was shaking.

Just like when he told me to escape with him that day.
*
*

My new life that started like that, was always in confusion.

I who made a blunder more terrible than my first life at the tea ceremony was reprimanded by my
parents, and furthermore I was confined in my room.

I felt the cold stares mixed with disappointment directed at me by my parents, while feeling deja vu, I spent my time organizing my memories in my room.

Telling myself that this was the reality, I looked back on my first life and my second life and I felt
like I was looking somewhere in my dreams, I will devote myself to do what I should do.

And soon, everything turned completely normal in a week.

No, should I say that I succeeded in playing my original self?

At the table I played Ilya as usual, acted as the fiancée of Soleil-sama and acted as Sylvia’s older sister.

“I’m sorry to spoil the tea ceremony. I’m happy that I could participate again.”

Unexpectedly, such words came out of my mouth easily.

I think it was probably due to the experience that I had gained in my previous life but, I was doing really well.

—– at the table.

It came in abruptly, for example, when I was alone at night or when I was in a daze.

“Did you kill Sylvia?”

My previous life clearly revives in my mind and intersects.

In the darkness where the light disappeared, I remembered that narrow prison and my body trembled viciously.

Echoing with the metallic sound was a frenzied voice that another captive made in the distance.

It was a sound that rocked the iron bars while crying to take him out of there.

Suddenly,from the tip to elbow, there was nothing.

I realized that there was no voice trying to raise a scream.

Even the pitiful sound, “Hii!”, was swallowed and disappeared into the darkness.

Even so, a baby’s crying sound was echoing somewhere.

The baby’s cry does not go away from my ears, it wasn’t shouting or screaming and it was neither angry nor in shame.

That is probably, the voice of my lost child.

He surely would have grown up in good health.

However, the moment I died, that child was lost forever.

No matter how many times I will repeat this life, I will never be able to meet with my child that I lost on
that day forever.

My dear and beloved child.

I do not even remember its face.

Even though I cannot help but feel that its existence is loving and precious, I cannot even hold that
hand.

Sometimes I held my child in my arms, but was it a dream or a illusion?

Perhaps, I was just imitating a hug.

It is broken. Somewhere I clearly understood this.

However, it was not broken everywhere. I was sane enough to understand that I was broken.

“Yeah, you’re sane. Compared to me, you are outrageously sane.”

—–I had been going back and forth between dream and reality in such a way.

It first invaded from the window of my room, imitating the shape of a bird.

Black feathers, It was much bigger than the small birds that is seen early in the morning.

Its existence that seemed likely to melt in darkness if you do not keep an eye on it.

At the beginning, it just flew around the dark places without any sound.

I do not even know if it has any goal. However, it unexpectedly invaded my room and flew around in dark places.

It eventually walked on the ground, suddenly one day, it spoke like a human being.

with a voice like a boy it asked me.

“Do you know my name?”

“I am crow.”

(Tln-‘Boku’ was used both times, so the crow guy said both lines as Ilya uses ‘watashi’)

His small head leans diagonally, his yellow eyes stare at me.

“I am a bird that informs about the tragedy.”

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